Undying Urge

Change in me is happening. The speed is uncertain but it is evident that it is happening. Sometimes it is seen from my behaviour and sometimes not, sometimes even I am not aware of it but deep inside me something is stirring and the change is happening. I am highly confused, and more confused about the confusion I am confused of. I know things but I am falling short to explain them, there is always ‘what if’ fear with me that is difficult for me to overcome. What if I go wrong, what if I am unable to explain what I understand, what if someone will come to know that I am losing it, what if and what if. Many times when I am surrounded by people I feel aloof, incomplete, insecure, I feel like hiding myself wishing that I was not here or anywhere else ever. Hiding is not a solution but it always comes to my aid. There is a longing in me to sort things out, to stop bothering and finally start what I always think of, to prove myself and to prove beyond expectations. Every night before drifting into sleep I promise myself that tomorrow is the day when I shall make a mark somewhere; somewhere so sharp that it becomes my character and identity. It is my undying urge for long, but I am confident that I shall fulfil it before the change happening in me overcomes the impulse.